Most Offensive Album Covers, Pt. 3

Blind Faith.  Sure it's another naked pre-pubescent girl, but this one's okay because she wants to be a pilot!

Most Offensive Album Covers, Pt. 1

A Facebook friend posted a status message that was a quote from The Scorpions "Rock You Like A Hurricane."  I remember seeing The Scorpions in concert in 1985 (maybe), so I was poking around on the Web seeing what they've been up to.  I happened to run across a couple of their album covers from the late '70s and the '80s, and I was pretty shocked by what they got away with.

I remember the "Love At First Sting" cover, with the man lifting the woman's leg and practically doing her standing up.  But her clothes were on and it was mostly implied.  Check out this one, though:

 

The Lovedrive cover from 1979. I think that's supposed to be bubblegum, or taffy, but it looks like something more solid and suggestive when viewed at this tiny size.  Either way, it's pretty disgusting.

In the tamer but more degrading category we have:

Animal Magnetism, circa 1980.  I don't know for sure, but I think this may be the inspiration for the album cover suggested in Rob Reiner's comedy This is Spinal Tap.

In the movie, the album is called "Smell the Glove." The record exec (Bobbi Fleckman, played by Fran Drescher long before The Nanny) describes the cover as "You put a greased naked woman on all fours, with a dog collar around her neck, and a leash, and a man's arm extended out, holding onto the leash and pushing a black glove in her face to sniff it."

When informed that K-Mart would not carry the album because of the sexist cover, Nigel says "What's wrong with sexy?" Upon learning there's a difference between "sexist" and "sexy", the boys deliver the famous line: "It's such a fine line between stupid and clever."

But The Scorpions were much naughtier than this.  We didn't get to see this next one in America (for a reason that's about to become obvious), but the original "Virgin Killer" LP had this cover:

 

Yep.  That's a pre-pubescent girl, completely naked, in a provocative pose, with a strategically placed graphic star twinkle.  And the album is called "Virgin Killer." This is just post #1 of the Most Offensive Album Cover posts, but honestly, I can't believe I'm going to find anything worse than this.

Tina Fey Is Hot

Need I say more?

Vagina Lollipops

No, I'm not talking about candy sold at an "adult" store. I'm talking about the vagina-shaped lollipops used to promote productions of The Vagina Monologues at the graduate school where I teach. I don't know what flavor they are. It seemed like a bad idea for a male professor to take one, even though they are free, and I haven't mustered the guts to ask someone else. I'm guessing chocolate, as that is the only flavor I found in a web search...a Google that, because it was performed on my work computer, will probably be misinterpreted and will get me fired. I'm not that skittish about these things, so I don't think there is an inner prude emerging from my soul. I was just...surprised (and perhaps, curious?). Anyway, I'm just wondering if the promotion of the event really needs to be taken this far. The brochures already have the "V" represented by a woman lying on her back with her legs spread in a "v" shape. The word vagina is in the title. We pretty much get the gist of what's going on. This post is not meant as a commentary on the play itself. I've never even seen the play, though I've read the script...long story. I just think the promotion is a little odd. Can you imagine a play ("Penis Prologues" or "Cock Chronicles"), at a graduate school, where the promotional items included a phallus-shaped lollipop? They'd be heaped on a bonfire, and the news media would be invited to attend. And no, I did not do a web search for those! I say do the play, but let the play speak for itself. Incidentally, apparently not every woman is so enamored with the play, as illustrated in this guide describing how to hate on V-Day.

Decline of the Eyebrow

This may be a Southern thing, but I've noticed a lot of 18-25 year old women shaving their eyebrows completely off, and then re-drawing them. Someone explain this to me. I understand many women don't like their eyebrow shape, and while I think that's pretty silly -- I've never heard a guy say something positive or negative about a woman's eyebrows, as long as there are two -- the thought they would re-draw them, rather than re-shape them, is ludicrous. They don't even look like eyebrows. They take some kind of makeup pencil and draw a skinny little half-McDonald's arch in deep brown. No one's eyebrows are shaped like that. No one's eyebrows are that color. No one's eyebrows consist of a smooth edged line. I'd say these people look like hookers, except hookers are smart enough not to draw on their eyebrows because they know it will hurt business. Who is going to tell these women the truth?

Infotainment

NBC's top news anchor, Brian Williams, is hosting Saturday Night Live. When did we get to the point where the people we are relying on for accurate news reporting are appearing on variety comedy shows? No wonder we can't tell what's news and what's entertainment. Meanwhile, the truly entertaining Katie Couric is being de-personalized so she can deliver the news. We loved her before. Now that she's anchoring CBS news, she isn't allowed to be the person we liked. Why? Because she's a woman, and we can't take women seriously (apparently) unless they subvert their personalities and turn into robots. Yet Brian Williams can do bawdy skits on comedy shows.