Easter Bunnies and Christmas Clauses

Having reflected on Easter, I'm even more confused than before.

Yes, it is ridiculous (except in a mythological sense) that Jesus rose from the grave, etc. etc., though not any more ridiculous than his status as the son of god.

But how did the Easter Bunny get in the mix? The same could be said for Santa.

Here's the answer. Even for Christians, the religious significance of the holidays is not enough to get their attention. Instead, they need gifts, and painted eggs, and fattened live beings (whether human or hare) to make those days matter. Christmas and Easter aren't a good sell if the only message is the birth of Christ and his resurrection.

What Christmas and Easter needed were a good ad man. Something hooky. Something to get people interested. Most religious people know very little about their religion anyway. They know they are supposed to go to church. They know that even if they don't go to church, they should go on Christmas and Easter. Makes them feel good...saves them from an eternity in Hell.

Or maybe I'm not giving Christianity enough credit. (I know, it's hard to believe). Perhaps they are more devious and they know they'll get people hooked on Christianity by the attractiveness of Santa and the Easter Bunny. People will become Christians without even knowing it! Brilliant.

Don't get me wrong. I like painting eggs. I like hiding them, and when I was a kid, I liked finding them. I like candy. I definitely like presents (both giving and receiving). I do not, however, pretend that I'm doing something else on those days, or that there aren't 363.25 other days of the year that I could do those things instead.

Also, I find giant bunnies a little scary. Not as scary as clowns, but scary nonetheless.

Topic: "Donnie Darko" did for rabbits what "It" did for clowns.

Vagina Lollipops

No, I'm not talking about candy sold at an "adult" store. I'm talking about the vagina-shaped lollipops used to promote productions of The Vagina Monologues at the graduate school where I teach. I don't know what flavor they are. It seemed like a bad idea for a male professor to take one, even though they are free, and I haven't mustered the guts to ask someone else. I'm guessing chocolate, as that is the only flavor I found in a web search...a Google that, because it was performed on my work computer, will probably be misinterpreted and will get me fired. I'm not that skittish about these things, so I don't think there is an inner prude emerging from my soul. I was just...surprised (and perhaps, curious?). Anyway, I'm just wondering if the promotion of the event really needs to be taken this far. The brochures already have the "V" represented by a woman lying on her back with her legs spread in a "v" shape. The word vagina is in the title. We pretty much get the gist of what's going on. This post is not meant as a commentary on the play itself. I've never even seen the play, though I've read the script...long story. I just think the promotion is a little odd. Can you imagine a play ("Penis Prologues" or "Cock Chronicles"), at a graduate school, where the promotional items included a phallus-shaped lollipop? They'd be heaped on a bonfire, and the news media would be invited to attend. And no, I did not do a web search for those! I say do the play, but let the play speak for itself. Incidentally, apparently not every woman is so enamored with the play, as illustrated in this guide describing how to hate on V-Day.

Cruelty to Animals

This story makes me sick: Pro Golfer Kills Hawk A red-shouldered hawk, squawking in the background of an important golf instructional video? Let's kill it! This was no accident. The golfer lined up a number of balls and started hitting them in the hawk's direction. When one went close to the hawk, he got excited, so he kept trying. He's a pro golfer. He can hit things with a golf ball if he tries enough times. And he did. He whacked the hawk, who lay bleeding from the nostrils. The hawk, doing nothing but what nature commands, is martyred for a golf instructional video! Fuck golf! Say it three times fast.

Elective Surgery

Having never had surgery, and being scared to friggin' death of it, I don't understand elective surgery. Until now. Pop star Kelly Rowland had plastic surgery to bring her "from an A-cup to a B-cup." According to Rowland: "I was sick of not fitting into tops. There was this one really hot House of Dereon top - I just wanted to fill that out." I would write more about this, but I'm on hold with a plastic surgeon. I'm thinking about buttock augmentation, because I saw some really cute jeans at The Gap.