Jesus Phone

More on Viagra and Deafness

I posted that I thought Viagra creating temporary deafness was a real problem. My girlfriend was surprised by that analysis. She thought that men would appreciate the deafness as a ready excuse to ignore the post-coital conversation. Funny that she thought of that and I didn't. I think I'll put up with the pillow talk if I can get some moaning.

How to give change

For all you cashiers, or want-to-be cashiers, out there, here is the proper way to give a customer change: 1. Put the coins in their hands first. 2. After they put the coins away, give them the dollar bills. 3. Then hand them the receipt. Think it takes too long? Try this summary procedure: 1. Put the coins in their hands first. 2. Put the dollars and the receipt on top. The customary way seems to be to give you the dollars and the receipt all bunched up (in very unorganized fashion), and then dropping the change on top. There are three errors with this procedure. First, the dollars can be at least handed over in an organized fashion so they are not facing every which way. Second, change should not be dropped into the customer's hand as if the customer has leprosy. If you are worried about touching someone, keep hand sanitizer handy. And third, coins slide around when they are on the top of dollars or receipts. The customer has to do a balancing act to keep the coins from sliding off. What should the customer do, create a little funnel with the dollar bills and pour the coins in a pocket or purse? On the other hand, coins in the hand can be cupped, and the hands are a no-slip surface. I can curl my fingers around the coins, put the dollars where they are supposed to go (wallet or purse compartment) and then put the change where it goes (pocket or purse).

Resort Life

I spent the weekend at Sandestin, one of the top resorts in the Southeast. I'm not a resort kind of person, and here are two reasons why: >There are signs in front of restaurants that say "Golf Cart Parking." >The resort guide in my hotel room referred to jellyfish as "marine pests."

Owie

Just saw a Tampax commercial for a new product: Tampax Cardboard. I'm not making it up. I'm not a woman, but wouldn't that be...uncomfortable? I found a cardboard box in the house and rubbed it. It hurt my fingers. And my fingers have been through a lot more than... Well, anyway. What's next, burlap bras?

Beowulf

Once the new Beowulf movie hits theaters, how many high school students are going to read the epic poem? One might argue that the explosions, violence and sexy Angelina Jolie might prompt an interest in reading the actual poem. That won't happen. The poem isn't delivered in splashy fashion. I suspect it will be hard for kids to see the parallels between the movie and poem. I also think it is unlikely that this generation of kids picks up a book after seeing a good movie about it. I cannot begrudge them for that. Whichever you see/read second, is the medium that is usually less satisfying. I have one exception: Gone With The Wind. I saw the movie first and read the book second, and the book was still infinitely better. Actually, Roots falls into that category as well. The real reason the Beowulf movie won't generate student interest in the poem? The poem isn't very interesting. It has historical significance, but it isn't a good read.

Industrial Food

"That's all the Indians ever wanted -- to keep their teepees, to give their kids herbs instead of patent medicines and leeches. They didn't care if there was a Washington, D.C., or a Custer or a USDA; just leave us alone. But the Western mind can't bear an opt-out option. We're going to have to refight the Battle of the Little Big Horn to preserve the right to opt out, or your grandchildren and mine will have no choice but to eat amalgamated, irradiated, genetically prostituted, barcoded, adulterated fecal spam from the centralized processing conglomerate." Joel Salatin Polyface Farms quoted in The Omnivore's Dilemma (p. 132), by Michael Pollan

House

House is a television program on Fox. I don't know what night it airs. I've only seen the previews. According to the web site:

DR. GREGORY HOUSE (Hugh Laurie) is devoid of bedside manner and wouldn’t even talk to his patients if he could get away with it. Dealing with his own constant physical pain, he uses a cane that seems to punctuate his acerbic, brutally honest demeanor. While his behavior can border on antisocial, House is a brilliant diagnostician whose unconventional thinking and flawless instincts afford him a great deal of respect. An infectious disease specialist, he thrives on the challenge of solving medical puzzles in order to save lives.

Why do people watch this show? The same doctor is solving all the most complex diseases. No other doctor in the world is getting any of these cases. And Dr. House is a total asshole to patients and co-workers. He regularly does things that would subject his hospital to enormous liability, and when he gets called out by the dean of medicine, he tells her to go to hell. He doesn't get fired. I also heard an interview on Fresh Air (NPR) with one of the show's creators, who admitted the show was a "formula" show, but that's what the people want. So maybe my rant should be against people who watch the show, and not the show itself. I don't like any form of entertainment that follows a formula. I would think the actors are probably embarrassed, but in my experience people making a lot of money at something are rarely embarrassed about how they are making it.

Viagra May Cause Deafness

The FDA is now concerned that Viagra may cause deafness as a side effect. This is a huge problem. What's the point of having sex if you can't hear the other person scream your name, moan or say things they would never say to your face in the light of day? Plus, nothing's a bigger turnoff for your special lady than you saying you need to turn your hearing aid to 11.

I Wish This Were A Joke

Brainwashing is back, and the participants are not selling flowers in the road medians. Welcome kids, to Jesus Camp. If you like Jesus Camp, see also Stephen King's "Children of the Corn."

What If God Was One of Us?

Houston is the New Jerusalem.

Jose de Jesus claims his last name is not mere coincidence. He actually is the second coming of Jesus. Yes, that Jesus. Strangely, he also says he is the Antichrist, and encourages followers to tattoo "666" on their arms.

He preaches that there is no sin, Hell, the devil or damnation. (At least he's right about something). Millions follow him. He smokes. He drinks booze, saying "Jesus drank wine because he didn't have Dewar's." But he draws the line at drugs and getting drunk. It isn't clear why, since he believes there is no sin. He doesn't believe murder is a sin; just a crime. God forbid you murder anyone while drunk, though.

Jose of Jesus was born in Puerto Rico, and like many other saviors, spent time in prison (theft and heroin). That gave him time to be reborn as a Christian, in the great tradition of scalliwags everywhere. But Jose didn't just become a man of God. He says he actually became God and his followers are a super race because they are free of false religions like Catholicism.

At last report his hands and feet are puncture free.

Someone ought to be working on setting up a miracle contest between Senors de Jesus and Torop.